Hentai for Dummies
by Kanna37
Summary: Once Inuyasha realizes that Hojo isn't a rival for Kagome anymore, he offers to help him get his new crush. But has Inuyasha bitten off more than he can chew, or will he be able to help the clueless boy get his girl?


**Hentai for Dummies**

Disclaimer: IdonotownthecharactersofInuyasha,dammit! But I'd grope them if I could...

---oOo---

Inuyasha was sitting in the Goshinboku, watching as Kagome did her homework through her window, when he caught a scent he wasn't too fond of.

_Fuck! It's that Hobo kid... what the hell's he doing here anyway?_

Leaping down from his perch, he folded his ears flat against his head and fluffed his bangs over them, since he didn't have time to go find a hat, then stalked forward towards the stairs leading to the shrine. Crossing his arms, he stood there waiting for the boy to reach the top.

"Oi! What the fuck do_ you _want?" He glared at him, hoping to intimidate the kid into leaving.

Hojo looked up in surprise at the challenge, then stopped his upward climb when he caught sight of who was standing there. "Uh... hello there..." he frowned, "aren't you the guy from the school festival that time? Are you part of Higurashi family or something?"

"Keh! Not _yet, _I ain't, but I will be, someday. And yeah, that was me that time, name's Inuyasha - what of it?" he challenged. "And you still didn't answer me - what the hell do you want?"

Now, Hojo might be a bit slow on the uptake, but he wasn't _that _slow. It had only taken two years to get it through his head that Kagome had feelings for someone else, and that was quite quickly - for him. "Oh! I know who you are - you're the guy Higurashi's so crazy about. It's nice to meet you!" He held out his hand, waiting for Inuyasha to grasp it, but then dropped it awkwardly when Inuyasha just gazed at him with suspicion.

"If you know about me'n Kagome, why do you keep comin' around?"

"Well, Higurashi's my friend, and besides," he gave him a sheepish look, "she's _also _friends with Ayumi - and I have a certain interest in Ayumi. I came over today because I wanted to get some advice from her - you know," he blushed, "on how to catch Ayumi's attention."

Inuyasha started laughing. "Feh," he gasped out, "you don't wanna talk to Kagome 'bout stuff like that, she's _clueless_. Girl hasn't even realized I'm after her, she thinks I still have the hots for my ex!" He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Course, it makes it interesting sometimes, that she's so innocent, but anyway, that wouldn't do for your purposes. So, as long as you aren't after my Kagome anymore,_ I'll _help you. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be catching a_ lot _more than her attention, believe me."

Hojo's eyes widened, and grinning, he asked, "Are you sure? That would be great!" He glanced down as his cell phone rang, looking at the caller id, he smiled. "Hold on a sec." Answering the call, he spoke for a few minutes into it, then smiling, hung up. "That was Eri, our other friend. They're planning on getting everyone together and going as a group to this new dance club. Why don't you come with Kagome? Ayumi will be there..." he trailed off with another blush.

Inuyasha shook his head and sighed. This kid looked pretty hopeless... but he'd never backed down from a challenge before so...

"Yeah, we'll go. What time do we need to be ready?"

"Eri said six... you sure Higurashi'll agree to go? Maybe you should go ask her first?"

"Kagome'll go, don't worry. I can get her to do just about anything I want, if I ask right. It ain't hard to get a woman to do what you want, you know - you just gotta know how to go about it."

Hojo nodded, looking hopeful. "Well, I'll go then. See you tonight... sensei."

"Keh!"

_I kinda like being called sensei... too bad Kagome's so oblivious - else she might have someone callin' her sensei, too._

_---_oOo---

True to his word, Inuyasha and Kagome were ready to go promptly at six when the rest of the gang showed up, and Hojo brightened immediately when his new sensei moved over towards him and kept him separated from the rest of the group.

Kagome watched their behavior and frowned, knowing they were up to something. Keeping her eyes trained on the two, she noted that Hojo kept glancing at Ayumi, and a wicked smirk crossed her face as she realized _exactly _what Inuyasha was up to. Sidling over to Ayumi, she grinned.

_This is gonna be fun!_

"So, Ayumi... I've got a question for you." Lowering her voice, she asked, "How do you feel about Hojo?"

Ayumi spluttered, then flushed a bright red. She grabbed Kagome's arm, almost panicking. "How did you know? Who told you?"

Kagome giggled. "Calm down, Ayumi, sheesh. No one told me, but I'm not blind, and he's been staring at you all night." At Ayumi's hopeful look, she nodded. "Yes, I'm sure. I've been watching 'cause Inuyasha's been talking to him ever since we left my place... and I know my Inuyasha very well. He's gonna turn Hojo into a hentai, mark my words, and then turn him loose on you."

"Oh no... Kagome, I don't know how to handle a hentai guy - especially not _Hojo_ acting like a hentai," she said, her blush fading as her expression turned thoughtful. "Man, even saying those two words in the same sentence just sounds so... I don't know - _wrong_."

Kagome laughed, understanding perfectly where Ayumi was coming from. Inuyasha'd certainly taken on a huge task with this one. At least with Miroku, he had natural talent to work with, but _Hojo? _He was just clueless... of course, if anyone could corrupt him, it'd be Inuyasha.

"Well, Ayumi, you're in luck. I can teach you how to handle him like you've spent your whole life leading him around on a leash... so just pay attention, my friend, and you'll have your man under control by the end of the night."

Ayumi's smile nearly lit up the entire block. "Okay... sensei!"

Kagome snickered. _Sensei, huh? I like it!_

---oOo---

Inuyasha growled, slightly irritated at the noise level in the place. It made it difficult to talk, or hear anyone else talking. The only good thing with that was that the girls would never be able to hear him talking to Hojo.

He rolled his eyes. He was beginning to realize that maybe he'd bitten off more than he could chew with this one. The kid had to be the most innocent, hopeless guy he'd ever met, in fact, he was worse than Kagome - and that was saying a _lot._ He'd spent the last two hours explaining the concepts behind the hentai mindset and beliefs, and the guy was _still_ not sure he understood. Talk about slow.

Sighing, he leaned over and got in the kids ear. "Ok, look. You see that guy right there, dancing with that girl in the red shirt? Watch him for a few minutes and tell me what you see."

Hojo obediantly turned his gaze on the couple Inuyasha had pointed out, and his eyes widened as he caught the male deliberately stumble, causing the girl to fall into him, and allowing him to grab ahold of her in certain normally 'off limits' areas. He looked down for a moment, blushing, then looked up and asked, "Is that the kind of thing you were talking about, Inuyasha? Is that really proper?"

He laughed. "Did you miss the way the girl smiled when he did that, kid? If she didn't like it, he'd have known. But if she's enjoying it, too, then where's the harm?"

Hojo stared ahead of himself for several minutes, obviously trying to think his way through the whole thing, and then he smiled... a rather disturbing, lecherous smile. It seemed that some of the things Inuyasha had said had finally processed through his admittedly slow mind, and once they had settled in, he found that he _liked_ these ideas.

Turning to look at his mentor, he nodded, then said, "I believe that I am ready to work with what you have showed me, sensei. If you will excuse me?" He stood, and with a wicked grin, moved over to the other side of the table towards the girls.

Kagome looked up as Hojo approached, and her eyes widened at the look on his face, before glancing over at Inuyasha. _Just what did he tell him to get Hojo looking like that?! _Shaking her head, she straightened her expression and looked back at Ayumi just as he asked her to dance.

Catching Ayumi's deer-in-the-headlights expression with sympathy, she smiled encouragingly and, leaning over to whisper in her ear, told her, "Look Ayumi, just go with the flow, like I told you. Give him opportunities, and encourage him, on the down low, as it were. I guarantee, if you follow what I told you, you'll leave here at the end of the night with a boyfriend of your own."

Ayumi flushed scarlet at the look Hojo was giving her and whispered back, "Yeah, but I was thinking I liked the _old _Hojo! I don't know if I can handle the _new_ one. Just what did your boyfriend teach him, anyways?!"

With a shrug and a smile, Kagome just pushed her out of her seat and into Hojo's arms. "Believe me, Ayumi, if I know my Inuyasha, you'll find that he's a _lot _more fun now."

"More _fun?_ Or just more lecherous?" she shouted back over her shoulder, as she was drug onto the dance floor by an obviously excited Hojo.

Kagome put her elbow on the table, then leaned her head on her hand and sighed. She had to admit, those two were a good couple. Maybe she should think about publishing a sort of "Hentai for Dummies" handbook. Kami knew it couldn't hurt those two to have something like that to refer to. They were both as helpless as newborns when it came to the opposite sex.

She cast Inuyasha a sidelong glance. Had he ever been that clueless?

Somehow, she doubted it.

---oOo---

Kagome breathed in deeply as Inuyasha grabbed her around the waist and leaped out of the well. She always did when returning to the past - it smelled so _good _here, so much better than in her time. As soon as Inuyasha rather reluctantly set her down, she took off heading for Kaede's hut, and her best friend. She could not _wait _to talk to Sango and tell her all about what had happened the night before. It had taken every bit of skill she and Inuyasha possessed to get Hojo and Ayumi not only together, but beginning to understand the basic tenets of a proper hentai lifestyle.

She shook her head and sighed. It was probably going to take years, and a lot more lessons before those two could rightly be allowed to worship at the altar of the hentai gods.

Inuyasha was in a similar frame of mind. He was glad as hell to be back in the past - that Hojo kid was nice enough, but his mind was almost blank, and Inuyasha shuddered at the thought of going through life with no more hentai-mindedness than a newborn infant. What a horrible way to live. At least Miroku was an apt pupil, and, once he'd spread his wings, sure to enliven the hentai activities amongst the group to a great degree.

He rolled his eyes and sighed inwardly. _How did I ever worry about that little kid as a rival for Kagome? He's way too helpless..._ Inuyasha cast a glance at his miko, and his eyes narrowed... _of course, she's pretty clueless, too... maybe I __**was**__ right to worry about him._

Well, it didn't matter anymore. He'd at least managed to get enough through the kids head to get him safely hooked up with that Ayumi girl. Looked like she was pretty innocent, too.

Good thing for his peace of mind. He was glad to see his onna surrounding herself with other onna's, like Sango and Ayumi, that were just as innocent as she herself.

He wasn't ready to take that innocence from her _quite _yet... at least not till Naraku was gone. His mind slipped into daydreams of the day he would finally strip that sweet innocence from her, and he smiled inwardly at those happy, and _very _hentai, thoughts.

---oOo---

Shippo and Kirara watched, once again from the sidelines, as the adults continued their hentai shenanigans. He shook his head when he caught Inuyasha and Miroku swapping stories about how they couldn't wait to relieve their girls of their innocent mindsets... and almost choked with laughter when he thought of that day - it wouldn't be the _girls_ losing their innocence.

He couldn't _wait _to see the looks on those two baka's faces when they realized that they'd been owned _repeatedly_ by those same 'innocent' females.

"You know, Kirara," he drawled thoughtfully, "I should take all these free 'hentai' lessons I've been getting from these guys and put them to good use. I bet I could set all four of them up and they'd never know what hit them. I could own_ all _of them."

Kirara looked at Shippo for a moment, then back out at their adult friends, and mewed.

She bet he could, too.

---oOo---

A/N: I have to thank one of my readers for the Hentai for Dummies idea, it was a little too funny, and instantly made my mind flash to Hojo when I read it. So a great big thanks to kokoronagomu for your review of Another Closet Hentai... it brought this story 'out of the closet' so to speak!

Amber


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